ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
