I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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