I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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