It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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