Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
