they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
