Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Terrible idea I love it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
