im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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