do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
