Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Be still, my beating vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
