A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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