I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
