I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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