Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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