I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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