Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
