If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
