Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
