how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
