You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
