She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
