half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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