there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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