bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
