how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't notice because vodka
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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