We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
