i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
