so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
