He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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