when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
