This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
