Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
