If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize