Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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