I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize