I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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