Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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