I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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