i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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