just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize