Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
