Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
