Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
