my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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