I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
