I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
