Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
