This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
