how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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