Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
