make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
