No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We had to coat check the pizza.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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