She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
