you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
