I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
