He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're a waste of cheezeits
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
