mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
