I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
