$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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