Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
