I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
