ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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