just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
