I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
