ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
