IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
50% drunk capacity currently
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize