we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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