I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
