so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
