Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
