Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize