Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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