weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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