She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
