Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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