Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
