So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was confusing and full of hummus
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
