i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
