Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
