I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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