You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Small penises have feelings too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
