I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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