that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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