Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
