I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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