Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
