Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
